Ah, dear readers, what a glorious thrill we witnessed on the night of September 10, 2024. In the ring, we had two towering figures: Donald Trump, the reigning champion of bombast, and Kamala Harris, the queen of cold hard facts. It was a clash of titans that was as chaotic as it was entertaining. With a blend of theatrics and policy, the night was worth living—who doesn’t love a bit of political biffo
Let’s break it all down, shall we?
The Donald: Reality TV Rhetoric or Presidential Persuasion?
Our favourite former reality star, Donald Trump, did not disappoint in the drama department. Oh no, he entered the stage like a gladiator stepping into the Colosseum, complete with swagger, smirks, and the bravado of a bloke who's just won the pub meat raffle. His entire stance seemed to say "They said I couldn’t do it again, folks, but here I am!" Like we didn’t see that coming, Donald.
To say Mr. Trump’s performance was hyperbolic would be an understatement. His tales of past victories painted his presidency as some golden age of America—cue the violins and the doves. We were treated to stories of perfect trade deals, a booming economy, and world peace, all thanks to him, naturally. One half-expected him to claim that he’d personally discovered fire and taught mankind how to cook snags on the barbie.
But here's the rub: for all his grandstanding, the man knows how to work a crowd. He tossed out slogans like confetti at a Bogan wedding, riling up his supporters with claims that bordered on fantasy. Facts? Details? Who needs them when you’ve got charisma and a cheeky grin? Trump is that mate who tells the most outrageous stories at a BBQ—you know they’re a bit dodgy, but you can’t help hanging on to every word.
His weakness? Reality. His strength? Showmanship. And boy, does he know how to keep his mob entertained. You almost want to hand him a beer and say, “Good on ya, mate,” for the sheer audacity of it all.
Kamala: The Ice Queen of Logic and Precision
And then, ladies and gents, there was Kamala Harris, as cool and sharp as the crease in her power suit. If Mr. Trump was the rowdy bloke at the pub, Ms. Harris was the school principal, clipboard in hand, ready to mark him for every incorrect answer and tell him redo his homework. She spoke of unity, progress, and, dare I say it, actual plans for the future. Her tone? Measured. Her facts? Impeccable. Her eye rolls at Trump’s more “creative” claims? Pure gold. You could practically hear the collective "yeah, right" from anyone with half a brain.
Harris, to her credit, stayed on point like a roo avoiding a dingo. She calmly dismantled Trump’s claims with logic, reason, and coolness that could put out a bushfire. It was as if she had prepared for this exact moment her entire life—and maybe she had. Armed with a fact-checker’s dream of statistics, she delivered blow after blow, all while barely breaking a sweat.
But here’s the thing—while her substance was rock-solid, one couldn’t help but wish for a little more oomph. A bit of flair, a dash of cheek. The crowd loves a good fight, and while Harris won on points, Trump brought the razzle-dazzle. If there were medals for intellect, she’d have walked away with gold. But politics, as we know, isn’t just about smarts—it’s about connecting with people.
Her weakness? A touch too prim and proper. Her strength? She knows the issues inside out, upside down, and backwards. You’ve got to admire her for that, even if you wish she’d let her hair down a little.
Who Won? A Tale of Two Very Different Leaders
So, my dear readers, who won this duel? Well, that depends. If you were looking for wild entertainment, outlandish claims, and the kind of spectacle that would make Shakespeare sit up in his grave, then Trump was your man. He’s like the Aussie footballer who charges onto the field, makes a mess, but somehow scores a try in the end. His talent for energising his base is undeniable, even if half of what he says has as much grounding in reality as a soap opera plot.
If, however, you were hoping for serious answers and a coherent vision for the future, then Kamala Harris was the clear winner. She might not have the same flair for drama, but she was the more adult person in the room—focused, determined, and in control. In a world where facts still matter, she would’ve won hands down.
And so, the battle rages on, with both candidates walking away claiming victory. But whether you’re Team Trump or Team Harris, one thing is for certain: this election season promises to be a wild ride, and I, dear readers, will be here to document every twist and turn. Stay tuned—because in politics, as in the Ton, nothing is ever quite as it seems.
Yours in awe and wonder,
Dame Wombat
